© 2024 Red River Radio
Voice of the Community
Play Live Radio
Next Up:
0:00
0:00
0:00 0:00
Available On Air Stations

Gary Borders: War on squirrels requires ingenuity, WD-40 war chest

Gary Borders

The war against squirrels has again erupted in our backyard.

We hung a new bird feeder in the backyard and another on the side deck. Both are easily visible from the kitchen and breakfast room. They provide a simple pleasure as birds ranging in size from a redbird and a woodpecker down to tiny wrens come to feast. The one in the backyard is the type that contains a cake of seed inside a rectangular cage. It hangs from an ornamental iron stand. I bought a plastic half dome that is supposed to stop squirrels from getting to the seed, since they slide off the dome as it tips.

I have battled squirrels for years. So far, the squirrels are winning. No surprise there. As my next-door neighbor at a previous house put it, squirrels do not have jobs. They can devote themselves full-time to raiding bird feeders.

I decided to bring out some firepower — my bb rifle. Before animal lovers (of which I am one) get riled up, I did not intend to actually shoot a squirrel. That would just maim him unless I was extremely lucky, and that is cruel. I really dislike the destruction squirrels can wreak on attic wiring and such, but still. I was just trying to scare this one fat tree rat in particular off the feeder by plinking into a nearby tarnished weathervane.

Every time a bb hit the metal rooster that swings around in the wind it made a loud clang, and the squirrel took off. And then, when he thought the coast was clear, back up the pole he climbed. He would jump from the pole to the cage, hanging on upside down and chowing down on food meant for cute birds — not fat squirrels.

Hmmm. A scientific approach was needed. I do not have time to stand sentry every afternoon keeping a squirrel from hanging on the bird feeder. I still have to make a living. I headed into the shop and began surveying the array of chemicals, spray cans, herbicides, etc. What would repel squirrels without hurting them?

WD-40. Next to duct tape, it is one of the most useful inventions of the 20th century. By the way, one of the interesting tidbits I learned in my brief, unsuccessful career as a home inspector is that the one place you cannot use duct tape and stay in code is on — wait for it — ducts! You have to use foil tape to join ducts. Anyway, I had briefly considered various ways of using duct tape — sticky side out, maybe — and discarded them. But WD-40? This could work.

I sprayed a lavish layer of the stuff on the pole so it glistened in the late winter sun. I went back to working at the computer, getting up every 15 minutes or so to check the feeder. No squirrels were in sight. I declared “Mission Accomplished!”

Of course, I was wrong. Three days later I came home for lunch to find that fat squirrel again hanging from the cage.  He took off as soon as I opened the back door. I grabbed the can of WD-40 and applied a new coat.

Two days later, so far so good. This could get expensive, between the birdseed cake and cans of WD-40. I thought about hooking a mild electrical charge to the pole, but again I am fearful of frying a squirrel. I ate fried squirrel once. I don’t recommend it. When somebody tries to persuade you to eat an animal not found in the meat department at Kroger by telling you it tastes “just like chicken,” go buy some chicken.

Meanwhile, the battle continues.

Gary Borders has been an East Texas journalist and editor for more than 40 years. He works now as a freelance writer, editor and photographer. You can see his work at garyborders.com. He has written for World Wildlife magazine, Texas Monthly, Texas Observer and Airstream Life.